Okay, so there is (soon to be was) a traveling conference called Women of Faith. It’s a group of highly gifted women preaching to thousands and thousands of other women around the country. Think of a GINORMOUS Pep Rally for the ladies.
My mentor invited me to one a couple years ago and I was VERY nervous…as that is a LOT of women. She was invited to pray with and for the speakers before they went on stage so it gave me some time to hangout with some of the other ladies.
After the event, I was invited to go back with all the speakers. As I talked with God as I walked, I remembered all the stars and politicians He had put throughout my life and asked that He guide me to let this moment be about my mentor. I was able to get some great pictures of them and ended up taking one with myself in it as well.
Soon after my leader told me the speakers would all be coming to have a live web event filmed on our church campus. They would be having lunch off location and she wanted me to come.
Wellllll…I didn’t hear anything all the way up until the day of the event. I was discouraged and feeling left out. As I went up to the Main Worship area where the event was going to be held, I was once again yelling at God. WHY did He have me in this ministry any way? I obviously was needed, liked, or LIKE any of them. What did He want from me?!
I prayed this as I stood by the side door of the center by myself. All of the sudden the door opened and the whole group of ladies walked in, obviously all coming from lunch. I received “quaint”, “Hi, Sweeties” as they all came in and walked by. The speakers…and ALL the other leaders. I wanted to hurl as they walked in to the green room and once again left me alone with God. I internally flipped out on Him, again. WHY did He have me there?!?!?! I wasn’t like them!!!
After a few moments of me stewing and yelling and yelling and stewing, the ministry leader walked out with a study leader and asked her to pray over the worship center, and find others that could do the same. She needed me to bring the speakers water. The study leader, said she could take care of the water if I wanted to pray. **That sounded GREAT to me! I was already praying and didn’t need to be given a “token” job.**
The ministry leader, in her wisdom, said she’d rather have me back with the speakers. So she and I walked back, grabbed water and delivered them to a room that housed the speakers. Right outside the room their was a couch where I was asked to hangout in case anything was needed.
As I sat there, in a slouched position, I asked God AGAIN, WHY ME?? Half listening to the people behind, I looked over and saw a Bible sitting on the table. When I reached over to grab it and put it on my lap, I blindly opened it and started reading…
12 You are always righteous, Lord,
when I bring a case before you.
Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?
2 You have planted them, and they have taken root;
they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
but far from their hearts.
I started talking to God again…
What?!?! That is awesome!!! You put that in here for me! I do believe you are on all these ministry women’s lips but not in their hearts! WOW! I can’t believe you put this in here!!! They do bear fruit, they do live in ease and prosper! Why, Lord, why!!!
And then I kept reading….
3 Yet you know me, Lord;
you see me and test my thoughts about you.
I started talking to God again…
UGH. What. Stop the presses. Double Ugh. Wow. I suck.
I am so very sorry God. What an ugly heart I have. I apologizing for ever thinking anything negative about your servants. About your daughters who give so much to you. I don’t know their hearts, I don’t know what they are going through. I am so sorry for not seeing them as your kids that need love and direction, too.
Please Lord, test my heart and redirect me when I get ugly thoughts. I know they are not of You. Please remind me, every time I start to judge someone else, to pray for that person instead. Please help me constantly look within anytime I feel like pointing a finger and see that my job is to work on ME and MY challenges, not worry about others.
I am sorry.
As I finished, I knew God had changed my heart. After some time, I shared this story with the ministry leader, my mentor. She asked me to not give up explaining that every time someone walks in to a ministry and decides there is no one like them…they should STAY to encourage others LIKE THEM to join. Otherwise the group in the room would never change. We want to make sure we are representing the WHOLE body of Christ in every ministry, not segregating because we don’t feel we fit in.
She was/is brilliant and a gift.
What I learned today…to keep remembering these stories so I stay on track. Remember, we are all unique, and we need to all be represent throughout the church…so it can continue growing with OC Housewives and the not so glamorous. It doesn’t matter how we see ourselves…what matters is we belong to God’s family regardless of what culture and society tell us. It’s our job to be the best “ME” we can be so that we can represent all of His family better.