Okay, so my husband and I are both very competitive. What helps? HUMOR.
Back when I was doing everything I could to work on our relationship, I read a book called The Five Love Languages.
It basically talks about how we all have a different view of what love looks like. Some feel loved by affirmation, some by receiving gifts, physical touch, time spent, and acts of service.
I talked about it with Chad, way back when, and realized, his love language is absolutely physical touch. That mixed with time spent. UGH. Mine are the opposite. I’m more of an affirmation and gifts type of person.
When I realized how different we are, and how I was doing to him what I like, I realized I needed to make a change. I started touching him more. Yes, I did hope that meant he’d start working on showing me he loved me the way I feel it, but that isn’t how it works.
I started touching his back more. Grabbing his hand. Holding his arm. Sitting close. It wasn’t something I was used to doing, it was something I was made aware he needed.
As I started to purposefully touch him more when I was around him…and be around him more, I noticed, he became happier! Isn’t that funny how it works.
He wasn’t even aware I was purposefully doing it, until a funny interaction happened today.
The conversation went like this…
I walked by while he was shaving and I started scratching his back lightly.
He said, “Thank you. I love when you do that.”
I said, “I know. I do it purposefully. You told me you liked it so I do it.”
He said, “That is so nice!”
I said, “I had to learn to do it…kinda like I was hoping you’d learn to affirm me and give me gifts. Ha Ha”.
He responded with, “Wow. That must mean I’m a much better teacher”.
I couldn’t stuck on what I wasn’t getting, but look at that humor. I love the man. It could’ve gone south, but his response was perfect!
What is something you do for your roommate, sibling, parent, spouse, etc… that you do because you know they like it, not because you get something out of it?
What I learned today…Remember what makes my people happy and do it. The joy I can find in their happiness is priceless. AND continue to remind them what makes me happy. Especially if they aren’t natural inclined to do it.